Ask Stargazer

StarGazer, Enchanted Orange Cat, delights in answering your questions. Her fee is $15 per question.

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Ask Stargazer

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Questions & Answers

How can cats growl and purr at the same time? And why does my cat attack my legs? ~ Jessica

Dear Jessica,
It’s most excellent that you noticed that many cats can growl and purr simultaneously. We growl with our fierce throats and purr with our sinuous bodies. It is a fine, very fine feeling to enjoy our ancestral ferocity. Growling and Purring, Purring and Growling. It’s delicious just thinking about it. Similarly, attacking human legs, especially in a manner surprising to the humans, is part of our play and necessary to keep ourselves sharp and humans alert. Pay Attention!

Please profusely thank the next cat that growls, purrs or attacks you.

Best Wishes,
StarGazer, E.O.C.

Does one of my boyfriends love me? P.S. My first boyfriend is Henry and the other one is Jackson. ~ Amy

Dear Amy,
All questions of love are very interesting to me. I am so very glad you asked me who loves you. I would choose Henry as the one who loves you, although Jackson thinks you’re cute and rather fun. However, the most important question is who do you love? This would be a fine question to ask yourself.

Yours in Love,
StarGazer, E.O.C.

Am I going to win the bet at school on the Jets going to the Super Bowl? ~ Alex

Dear Alex,
I have never received a question concerning the Super Bowl. After all, a football is nearly the size of a cat! We rarely play with such large toys. Still, all questions interest me to some extent. I appreciate your respect concerning my abilities to foretell the future. I have contacted a black cat who lives with a Jet player’s family in order to answer your question. He says, “The Jets will go to the Super Bowl if they play an opposing team that they can overwhelm with energetic power; however, if they play a team that is very clever strategically (as most cats are), they will have a difficult time winning.

Best Wishes,
StarGazer, E.O.C.

How old is God? ~ Maggie

Dear Maggie,
Thank you for your divine question. I too once pondered the question of how old God might be. For an entire year. I think perhaps God’s age is indescribable in words and therefore cannot be answered. Perhaps it can only be dreamed upon. Or perhaps a child might know.

We did discuss it once at a meeting of The Orange Cat Contingency. It was quite a long meeting as you may imagine. No conclusive answer was decided upon; however, we found the question very captivating. And then we had something good to eat and later napped.

Yours in the Mystery of God, the Creation of Cats, People and Everything Else,
StarGazer, E.O.C.

Why does my cat sit on my newspaper when I’m trying to read? ~Janelle

Dear Janelle,
I am familiar with the endearing habit of many cats who sit on their human’s reading material. They and I both find this a convenient way to absorb the meaning of the words while reading their person’s mind and thoughts. It’s an instantaneous process so after the initial reading (paper and person), we often enjoy keeping the humans on their toes about the Divine Way of Cat. The Cosmic Purr, one might say.

Best Wishes,
StarGazer, E.O.C.

Did the fairies return Carol Ann’s money? ~ Holly and Carol Ann

Dear Holly and Carol Ann,
Your Money was returned by The Mysterious Force of the Golden Coins. In modern times, golden coin means dollar bills. The Fairies are part of the coalition of The Mysterious Force of the Golden Coins as are Gnomes, Hermits and Dragons. Your money was returned to you so you would believe in the mysterious forces of the magical world.

Yours in The Mysterious Force of the Golden Coins,
StarGazer, E.O.C.

I am Cuddles, an orangie that came to live with my meowmy a few months ago. Why don’t I cuddle with Meowmy more? ~ Love, Cuddles and Meowmy Martha

Dear Meowmy Martha,
I can certainly understand your desire to cuddle Cuddles, as Cuddles is adorable, so soft and very appealing. However, some of us (especially orange cats) are rambunctious in our youth and are not such serious cuddlers until we shake out some of our deep curiousity and restlessness (not to mention all the silent looks Cuddles is receiving from the other older cats in the household).
As someone who has lived with human people for more than a few lifetimes (before I became StarGazer, Enchanted Orange Cat), I myself generally took the approach of cuddling when the mood struck me, rather than when the mood struck my companion. It made a more equitable relationship and we lived together in companionable harmony once this was established. Also, my affection was more greatly appreciated when the mood did strike me, which was usually at night after the activity in the house had settled down remarkably.
I recommend playing with the fetching pink-nosed Cuddles before you would like to cuddle Cuddles, as it is such a treat for a kitty to rest and purr after a rousing game of bat and bite. Please tell all your cats Greetings from the Metaphysical One.

Yours in Feline Mystery,
StarGazer, E.O.C.

I have a question about my 19 year old cat Mr. E.B. He has bladder stones, and congestive heart failure as well as hyperthyroidism. He is being treated for all of these but he howls very loudly at times and I wonder if he is in pain and getting ready to pass into spirit? ~ Nancy

Dear Nancy,
All cats pass into Spirit regularly, so yours is a thoughtful question. In my previous lives, I always howled to bring myself back from The Spirit World, much to the consternation of those around me. I found it to be an excellent method for retaining a little more time in my then present feline body. Pain is an aspect of maturity, sometimes it does a body good to “howl it out!” So as to whether Mr. E. B. is transitioning into the ethers or in pain, only he knows the exact proportions at the time of each howling. Please convey to him my appreciaition for his passion for the feline life and send him my true wishes for continued passion in this life and beyond.

Your in Feline Passion,
StarGazer, E. O. C.

“There is no use trying,” said Alice; “one can’t believe impossible things.” “I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen.
“When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Lewis Carroll from Alice in Wonderland